


Extreme Lengths to Prove Loki Wrong

by QuarkInShiningArmour



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Incredible Hulk (2008), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Thor is a human prince au?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 20:39:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16899516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuarkInShiningArmour/pseuds/QuarkInShiningArmour
Summary: Annoyed by his brother's teasing, Thor tells him that he has a boyfriend.  The holidays are fast approaching and Thor needs to come up with someone to be his ''partner" quick, and luckily for him, Bruce doesn't have any plans.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ragnarokwrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ragnarokwrites/gifts).



> Written for the lovely @ragnarokwrites who inspires me with her work every day. Enjoy the christmas fluff everyone!

It had all started with a snide comment from Loki over what was supposed to be a good-natured catch-up brunch.  They had been bickering again, Loki telling Thor all about his new boyfriend (Thor thought that ‘sugar-daddy’ would be the more appropriate descriptor), and Thor holding fast to his belief that anyone who went around asking to be called ‘the Grandmaster’ was not right in the head. 

“Well at least I’m not going to have to spend this Christmas alone with our parents,” Loki had said.  “I might have thought that two years after Jane dumped you-“

“- She did not!  It was a mutual –“

“- That you might have tricked some poor soul into dating you rather than moping around all the time.”

“I _am_ seeing someone!” The words were out of Thor’s mouth before he could stop them, the need to prove his brother wrong stronger than his need to be truthful.

“Really?” Loki’s tone was sarcastic, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes.”  Thor tried his steadiest tone.

“Who are they, then? Go on, tell me all about my possible future in-law.”

Thor scanned his mind for friends he had who weren’t already in relationships. 

“Bruce.  His name’s Bruce, he’s a scientist.”

Bruce had shot to the front of his mind; they had had a conversation the day before about his plans for the holidays, and Bruce had awkwardly mentioned his lack of family to spend them with.  At the time of their conversation, Thor had wished it would be possible for him to keep Bruce company over Christmas, but he knew that his family tradition and powerful parents demanded he should come back home.

“Right, a scientist.” Loki did not sound convinced.  “And why haven’t I heard of him before?”

“He doesn’t like the spotlight.”  That, at least, was not a lie. “If father knew about him, you know he would demand to meet him and I don’t think Bruce would be comfortable with that.”

“I suppose we’ll find out.”

Thor’s head spun.

“What? No, Loki don’t tell father, he wouldn’t –“

“Whyever would I keep how happy you are from father?  You know he would love to meet this ‘Bruce’ for Christmas-“

“Loki –“ Thor’s tone was warning.

“Unless, of course, he doesn’t _actually_ exist.”

“He does!”

“You won’t mind bringing him along for Christmas then.”

Two days since that conversation and Christmas was fast approaching.  Only an hour after Loki had left, Thor had gotten a commanding message from his father about how he expected to meet Thor’s new ‘suitor’, accompanied with a rather sweeter message from his mum about how she was glad he’d found someone that made him happy.

He had yet to deal with the unavoidable future backlash, avoiding Bruce’s messages and cringing every time his name came up as a notification on his phone.  It would be unbearable now to tell Loki, to admit that he’d lied just to prove a point, but Thor knew that it would be more ridiculous for him to continue the act further.  If Bruce found out the lie that he had told, he might get spooked, might get angry at Thor.  Still, the way things were going, Thor worried he might end up insulting Bruce anyway with his lack of contact.

Braving the prospect of admitting to Bruce what he had done, Thor sent a message to Bruce asking him to come over the next day, ostensibly to arrange to buy joint Christmas presents for some of their mutual friends.

Sat awkwardly in the small space between his Christmas tree and the power socket, Thor fiddled with the plug of the fairy lights, trying to stop them from flickering fast enough to induce a seizure.  The screeching tones of _Merry Christmas Everybody_ swam down from his speakers, and every conceivable surface in his living room was covered in either tinsel or glitter.

The chime of the doorbell made Thor spring to action, trying to jump up from the ground but finding that his back was aching from all the time he’d spent sitting on the floor.  Rubbing his back with his hand, he went to open the door.

“Hi, Thor,” Bruce greeted him.

“Bruce! Come in.”  He motioned for him to move to the living room.  “I’ve made some mulled apple juice, would you like some?”

“Mulled apple juice?  Non-alcoholic?”

“No, I know you don’t partake in alcohol so I thought –“

“I’d love some, Thor.”  Bruce walked into the room and looked around him, taking in the decorations.  “Someone’s really gotten into the Christmas spirit.”

Thor let out a small, low chuckle. 

“I do like the Christmas season, warm colours and shiny decorations, they remind me of home.”

“Back in Asgard?” Bruce checked.

“Yes,” Thor nodded.  “Or at least, it reminds me of the better parts of home.  The palace is beautiful, all gold, with red embellishments, dazzling, with such warmth.”  He thought back; there was a part of him that missed it, but the freedoms of living away from the country where everyone expected you to behave like a prince were too good for Thor to pass up on.  “Although, I must say, the gold there is _real_ , not glitter.”

Shaking his head in mild disbelief, Bruce smiled.

“I can’t believe I’m friends with a prince.”

“I can’t believe I’m friends with a Nobel-winning scientist,” Thor countered.  He was met with a bashful look in response.

“I’d love to go there, one day.  Asgard… it’s not exactly my usual sort of place, but it always sounds amazing when you describe it.”  Thor was about to respond, tell him that he _could_ go to Asgard in a week’s time, if only he agreed to go along with Thor’s deceit, when Bruce’s attention was caught by something behind him.  “Oh my god, should your lights be doing that?”

They were flashing more than ever, not just rippling, but turning on and off at an alarming rate that no one could have found enjoyable.

“Eh, no.  I was trying to fix that when –“

Bruce sat on the floor by the tree, trying to figure out how to set them right. 

“I think it’s just on the wrong setting.”

Nodding, Thor went to the kitchen get the apple juice from the pot he was brewing, figuring that Bruce would be occupied for the amount of time he would take.  As he got out some mugs, Thor tried building up the courage to ask Bruce to pretend to be his partner, thinking about what the best way to tell him would be.

Thor walked back into a living room devoid of any flashing lights.

“You did it, wonderful! I’d been trying to sort that out for half an hour.”

Bruce smiled, almost smugly. 

“I guess there are some plus sides to having a Nobel-winning friend.”  He pushed himself off of the floor and sat down next to Thor at the table.

“Bruce?”  Thor said the name questioningly, working his way up to ask him his real question.

“Hmm?”

“You know how you said you would like to see Asgard someday?”  Bruce murmured his agreement. “Well, you may have the opportunity to do so, although I am afraid that I may not be offering the circumstances you would hope for.”  Met with a puzzled look, Thor could tell he wasn’t explaining himself well.  “My parents and Loki, they have been asking for two years -since I split with Jane – whether I have since moved on and started seeing anyone else.  And Loki – well – Loki was taunting me and telling me all about his partner and he asked whether I was dating anyone and I told him I have a boyfriend.”

“You have a boyfriend?” Bruce seemed shocked.

“No!” Thor clarified.  “I _told_ him I have a boyfriend.  Except when he asked more about this imaginary boyfriend, I couldn’t come up with an imaginary person on the spot so I sort of told him you and I were dating.”

Bruce nearly laughed, which was not at all the reaction Thor had been expecting.

“It’s a good thing he doesn’t know what I look like or he’d have seen through that straight away.” 

Aghast, Thor tried to correct Bruce.

“Why?  You are a handsome man, Bruce, you must see that.”

“Maybe a while back, but right about now I’ve got more of the overweight, aging professor look going on, not exactly someone that a guy as hot as you would look twice at.” 

Thor took Bruce’s hands in his and looked him in the eyes pointedly.

 “You are truly a very good-looking man, Bruce, I would do much more than look twice at you.”  Suddenly Thor felt his hands overheat. “Anyway, if Loki saw us together, he would not doubt our plausibility as a couple.  In fact, I had hoped that you would meet him.”

“Meet Loki?” Bruce was even further in his confusion. 

“Not just Loki, my parents and my sister as well.”

“What? Why would I do that?”

“Well, since I told Loki that I had a partner, my family expects me to bring said partner to Asgard for Christmas.”

“And you want me to meet them and lie to them?”

“There wouldn’t be a lot of lying, more just letting them assume that aspects of our relationship are more romantic than platonic.”

“You want me to lie to the King of Asgard?  Isn’t that treason?”

“No!”  Thor said defensively. “Well, maybe but they wouldn’t ever know.  I only see my parents in person a few times a year, you’d only have to meet them once.  Then I can tell them we went our separate ways, but are still friends.”

Holding his head in his hands, Bruce looked baffled.

“What made you think that this was a good idea? Loki torments you for a few minutes and you decide a fake relationship will sort it all out?”

“Loki’s been tormenting me his whole lifetime.  I thought this would be a way of getting him and my father to cool off about it a little while.  And I had also thought that it would be nice for us to spend our Christmas’s the same side of the Atlantic.”

Bruce bristled at that.

“Oh right, you thought I would love to spend my Christmas not alone for once, thought I would be somehow less sad for me to be someone’s _fake boyfriend_ than it would to spend the day alone.”  Anger was slowly growing in Bruce’s voice and Thor wanted to put it right.

“I know it was selfish of me, but it wasn’t just that, I had thought it would be nice to choose who I spent the holidays with for once.”

They were quiet for a moment before Bruce responded.

“You’d choose to spend the holidays with me?”

“Yes.  You put me at ease, Bruce, and apart from my mother, that’s not something I’m used to at Christmas.”

The silence roared as Thor watched Bruce’s mind whir for a moment as he decided.

“Okay.  I’ll do it, so long as it’s a one-time thing and I’m not expected to buy expensive presents I can’t afford for your relatives.”

Thor beamed.

“Don’t,” Bruce objected but he was smiling too.

“I’m not doing anything! Just appreciating how fine my lovely partner is looking today.”

Bruce responded with only a shake of his head and a nervous fiddle of his glasses.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what guys, I've never been succinct in my life.
> 
> Shoutout to RwandAir for inspiring my pun.

Thor scanned the crowd at the Airport entrance.  There was a little excitement on most of the faces there, although it was almost always tempered by a fair amount of stress.  Raising his head as high as he could, Thor searched for the dark grey mop of curls that was so familiar to him.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand pat his arm and heard Bruce’s voice.

“Hey, Thor.”

“Bruce!” Thor had tried to hide the surprise in his voice but failed.  “You’re here, good, I was beginning to worry.”

“Worried that I was gonna decide that committing treason wasn’t how I wanted to spend my Christmas?”  Bruce asked, shaking his head.  “Apparently all my good sense left when you came into my life.”

Thor couldn’t help but smile at that.

“Thank you, for everything, Bruce, I know this would not be your first choice for a festive activity.  I hope you get some enjoyment from these few days.  Asgard _is_ beautiful, and you are very good company.”  Gaze lingering on Bruce for a little while, gauging his mood, Thor’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of an announcement, making him remember what they really should be doing.  “Our flight’s luggage check-in is over there, we should get going.”

“Mjoln-Air?” Bruce read the airline name from the sign above the counter. 

“Asgard’s largest commercial airline.  My father offered to fly his jet here, but –“ Bruce looked queasy and intimidated at that “- I thought you’d find it all a little ridiculous.”

“I guess it’s gonna be a bit hard to forget that you’re royalty for the next few days,” Bruce sighed.

“You usually forget that I am royalty?” Thor chuckled.  “Do I not appear regal enough to you, Banner?  Please do not tell me I am not a charming prince.”

“Erm, yeah, you do look regal.”  Bruce seemed flustered, as they made their way to the queue.  “And charming.  But maybe it’s just because I’ve known you for a while now. I think you’ve started saying things like ‘need’ instead of ‘require’, you’ve got a little less prince-like.”

 

That queue, and the next, and the one after that, went very smoothly for the two of them, which Thor suspected was something to do with the Mjoln-air staff recognising him as a prince.  In all the time they had waiting, they were able to discuss the ins and outs of their so-called ‘relationship’. 

The story they were going with was simple, sticking as closely to the truth so that neither of them would stumble when asked questions.  They had known each other through work.  Thor had been spearheading the charitable organisation funded by the wealth of his father, looking for projects that were worthy of their funding, and one of the projects he had looked into was Bruce’s work on regenerating people’s immune systems.  The results, so far, were promising, and Thor had been so enthralled by Bruce’s work that they had gone for dinner afterwards so that he could continue their conversation.  New to the States, Thor had found his first set of close friends through Bruce.

All of that they would describe as it had really happened.  What they would change was what followed.

According to their story, each visit that Thor had made to Bruce’s labs after that was not only to make sure his money was being spent well, but to work up the courage to ask Bruce out.  After half a year of friendship and coffee dates, Thor had taken him to dinner and told him how he felt.  Since then they had been going out for just under a year, and were thinking of finding a place to move in together. 

When they made their way onto the plane, Thor could feel Bruce tense-up.

“Is everything okay?”

“What?”

“Everything’s okay? Are you okay with flying?”

“Oh, yeah.  Well –“ Bruce fidgeted, brushing his hair back with his hands. “- I’m okay with heights, it’s just the whole ‘confined in a small space without being able to get up’ thing that doesn’t bode well for me.  I should have brought a book, something to distract myself.”

“I can distract you,” Thor offered.

“You, er, you can?”  Bruce looked a bit uncertainly at him.

“Of course.”  The plane was making its way forward now, the wheels spinning, accelerating.  “I’ll keep you occupied.”

“Thanks.  You’re a good boyfriend,” Bruce joked. 

“I _am._ ”  The plane had just left the ground.  “Tell me, Banner, what other things make me a good partner?”

“You, err…”  Thor could tell that Bruce was a little off-put by the plane taking off mid conversation.  “You always take an interest in my work.  You look out for me.”

“Mmm,” Thor hummed his approval.  “Am I a romantic?”  Bruce almost smiled at that.

“Yeah.  You took me stargazing on my birthday.  Surprise me by looping your arms around me when I’m cooking us dinner.”

“You mean when you’re putting our ready meals in the microwave,” Thor corrected.

“You make sure I’m never in a situation that makes me too uncomfortable.  Always turning up to the labs with a sandwich to make sure I’ve eaten something.”  That last one was true.  “Yeah, you’re a good partner.  What about me?”

Thor considered for a moment.

“You’re also romantic, but not in the usual way.  You humour me, when I want to try something new or get a stupid inclination in my head.”  Bruce raised an eyebrow.  “You’re the one that microwaves our meals.”  He was met by Bruce shaking his head.  “What? I thought that preparing meals was romantic.  Anyway, you always look out for me, sometimes more that you even look out for yourself, much to my distress.  And in the bedroom…”  Thor trailed off, teasing.

A packet of peanuts hit Thor’s cheek, and he laughed.  Bruce’s face was stark.

“Don’t…” He warned. 

“What? I was just going to say that in the bedroom, sparks fly.  You are quite a genius in every area of life, Bruce, even after the lights are out.”  Thor used the best, deepest flirting voice he had.  Bruce put his head in his hands, but he was smiling underneath it all.  “Have I distracted you yet?”

 

Throughout the flight, Thor continued to try to distract Bruce, talking about everything from Asgardian mythology to going through all the elements of the periodic table (with Thor insisting that Bruce would one day have an element named after him).

They walked straight out of the airport once the landed, none of the customs staff wanting to delay the son of the king.

“How are we getting to the palace?  Castle? Whatever it is?”

“My father has sent a car to pick us up, just look for the sign that says ‘Mr Odinson’”

Bruce’s eyes scanned across the cab drivers.

“Is it that bald guy over there, with the tattoos?” 

“What? No, it should be…” Thor stopped talking as he saw the man Bruce was indicating, with a hand-drawn sign saying ‘Prince Thor’.  “Maybe it is.” 

Approaching the man, Thor looked apprehensive.

“You here to pick us up?  Who are you, where’s Volstagg?”

“Don’t you remember me?  I’m Skurge, your sister’s right-hand man.  Volstagg had a little too much to drink last night so they sent me instead.”

Thor groaned.

“My sister’s here?”

Skurge nodded and turned to Bruce. 

“Let me help you with your luggage, Mister…?”

“Doctor Banner,” Thor corrected on Bruce’s behalf.  “There’s no need, I’ll do it.”

Thor hefted the suitcases into the boot.  He smiled a little when he noticed how Bruce was watching him carrying multiple bags at once and took it as an opportunity.

“Like what you see, Bruce?”

He didn’t respond immediately, and Thor thought it likely that Bruce had for a moment forgotten their ruse.

“Yeah,” Bruce humoured him.  “You make a very gallant prince.”

“Gallant, is that what I am?  I thought you said I was charming?”

“Synonyms,” Bruce explained.

“Mmm,” Thor agreed.  “But generally people don’t dream of one day meeting their ‘Prince Gallant’.”

It was pitch black as they drove to the palace, with only the moon and the occasional, outdated ornate street lamp to guide them.  Skurge seemed to know the way well enough, even without the light.  It was already past ten o’clock on Christmas eve, and after the flight, Thor could tell that what Bruce really wanted was somewhere to sit, or sleep, and ground himself.

As they approached the grounds of the palace, Bruce finally got his first proper view of Asgard.  The car drove through a pathway (or was it a bridge? Bruce found it difficult to tell in the contrasting light), almost half a mile long, that was lit up, illuminating the multi-coloured flora and fauna that bordered it.  Every colour Bruce could think of was on display; greens, purples, electric winter-bluebells and fiery golden ivy. 

“You like it?”  Thor asked.

“Yeah.”  Bruce was at a loss for words.

“They call it the Bifrost, it’s the envy of every gardener the world over, or so I’m told.”

On arrival at the palace, two men and a women were standing at the gates to meet them.  Thor smiled as they approached, and stayed by Bruce’s side as they left the car and made their way up the palace’s stairs to meet them, not wanting him to feel like he was alone in this.

“Thor, my son.”  The woman embraced him, and Thor felt a kind of warm safety he only associated with the happier parts of his childhood.  “It’s good to see you so happy.  How was your journey?”

“It went smoothly, the weather has been good.  Mother, I’d like you to meet Doctor Bruce Banner.  Bruce, this is my mum, Queen Frigga.”

Bruce awkwardly bowed.  Frigga laughed, but it was a kind laugh, not mocking.  She took Bruce’s hand in hers.

“It is good to meet you, Doctor, I hear you make my son very happy.  May I call you Bruce?”  He nodded his response. “You can call me Frigga, if you like.  This is one of our best advisers and friends, Heimdall, and beside him is my other son, Prince Loki.”

Heimdall looked deep at Bruce with his golden eyes, and Thor prayed his friend wouldn’t say something that would intimidate Banner.

“It is an honour to have a Nobel Winner in our presence, Doctor Banner,” Heimdall said.  Bruce fiddled with his tie.

“You, er, know about that?”

Heimdall nodded.

“I’ve seen it.”

Loki rolled his eyes.

“You mean you’ve googled him,” Loki corrected.  “Like my mother says, I’m Loki.  I expect you’ve heard quite a few horror stories about me.” Thor nodded on Bruce’s behalf knowing he’d be too polite to answer.  “They’re all true.”

They made their way into the palace, and Thor made excuses for them both, citing their long journey as a reason to go to bed so early.  He thought that Bruce might be a little overwhelmed if he had to meet Hela and Odin on top of everyone new today.

“Don’t worry about Loki,” Thor said as he led the way to their room.  “He may threaten you put I can always put a stop to anything before it gets out of hand.”

“I think I get it now.”

“Get what?”

“Get why you wanted to annoy Loki so much that you did -“ he gestured between them “- All of this.”

Thor nodded in agreement, but in truth he’d forgotten that Loki had been the reason for this in the first place.  He opened the door to their room, holding it open for Bruce.

“Wow,” Bruce said as he took in all the ornate decoration and furniture.  “You weren’t kidding when your said that Asgard was covered in gold.”

“I hope it’s not too much for you.  I’ve never gotten the impression that it was one of your favourite colours.”

“No, I like gold, it’s like your hair.”

Plonking himself down on the bed, Thor grinned back at Banner.

“And does my lovely partner spend much time thinking about the colour of my hair?”

“Don’t go there.”  Bruce sat on the other side of the bed.  “I need to lie down.”

“Bruce Banner, going to bed at a reasonable hour?” Thor said in half-feigned shock.  “I really must be a positive influence.”

It didn’t take long for either of them to get to sleep, the day’s travels catching up with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone!! Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Thank you Aries, for asking for this <3
> 
> You'd make my christmas with a comment


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh would you look at that the chapter count went up again. I swear to god I've written 70% of the last chapter but I realised that this might work better w/ a short interval so enjoy!! Basically its really difficult to include the classic aspects of a fake relationship au in a tiny fic.

Thor awoke early on Christmas day, as was normal for him, but for once he didn’t feel the need to get up and go on with the day straightaway.  He was comfortable, the warmth of the bed and the body beside - no - _entangled_ with him keeping him anchored in place.  A gentle arm was wrapped around his waist, a warm body pressed flush against his back. 

It was Bruce, he remembered now, everything coming into focus.  Thor twisted to look behind him.  Bruce looked more peaceful that Thor could ever remember seeing, his face free of stress or anxiety.

They stayed like that for a long time, perhaps hours: Bruce asleep, Thor not wanting to wake him.  When finally Bruce awoke, Thor helped him prepare for the day, telling him what to expect from different family members, and helping him with his suit.

“Your family seriously all wear suits on Christmas?  Even though it’s just you guys there?”  Bruce asked as Thor helped him with his cufflinks.

“Just be glad you’re not expected to wear formal robes.  Or a helmet.  Would you like to borrow a bow tie, or a regular one?  I suppose I do also have a cravat lying around here somewhere…”

“A regular tie’s fine, I wouldn’t know how to do a bow-tie anyway.” 

Thor mumbled agreement and found a purple tie from his drawer that would suit him well.  Passing it behind Bruce’s neck and tucking it under his collar, Thor could feel Bruce’s heat, could swear he was flushed.

“There,” Thor said, as he finished, looking down and appreciating his work.  “You look very dashing.”

“So do you.”  Bruce’s reply was quiet, like he didn’t want to say it but couldn’t stop himself.

Before Thor could spend any more time looking at Bruce’s eyes, trying to decipher his expression, there was a sharp rap at the door.

“Thor, I’m coming in, you have better be wearing clothes.”  The voice was deep and feminine.  Thor recognised it as belonging to his sister, and groaned.  Hela pushed her way into the room, not waiting for a response.  “You’re expected at breakfast in ten minutes.  What is it with you, brother, you’re usually such an early riser, it’s almost sickening.”

“Merry Christmas to you too, Hela.  Bruce, this is my sister, Hela.”  Bruce did a half wave, not wanting to repeat the bowing incident.  “Hela, this is my partner, Doctor Bruce Banner.”

“You can call me Bruce,” he offered.

“I won’t.”  There was no sign of joking in Hela’s tone.  She turned to Thor.  “So this is your new plaything Loki was telling me about.  A little older than I was expecting.  Anyway, down in ten minutes or I’ll send Fenrir after you.”

With that, she left.

“Ignore her, Bruce,” Thor said.  “She’s just… the worst.”

“How is it that you’re such a ray of sunshine when your siblings are… like that?”  Bruce looked disbelieving.

“I’m a ray of sunshine?” Thor was pleased with the description.  “I suppose my mother’s amicable nature had to pass on to at least one of us.”  He straightened his tie.  “Well, my love, will you join me for breakfast.” Thor held his arm out for Bruce to link with him.

“Okay.”  Bruce held his arms up in mock surrender.  “No way I could refuse you, my prince.”  He was teasing Thor as he took his arm, but didn’t sound totally sure of himself. 

They made their way, arms linked, down the grand staircase to the drawing room.  It was an ornate room, as all of them were in the palace, but the décor was what passed for casual in the royal household; instead of pure gold, the intricate carved panels were merely coated with gold leaf.    

“Hello!  Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas!” Thor jumped at the noise, coming from someone he’d never met.  “You must be Loki’s brother, it’s great to meet you.  I’m En Dwi, or ‘The Grandmaster’ as my subjects do tend to call me.”  His talk was charming, but Thor was repelled.

“Thor, Lord of Thunder,” he introduced himself, shaking the Grandmaster’s hand with all the strength he had, trying to intimidate him.  “This is my partner, Doctor Banner.”

“Delightful, Doctor Banner, a pleasure.” The Grandmaster turned his attention back to Thor.  “What are those, on your cheek, are those sparkles?”

Thor was confused.

“What?”

“Oh, I think you’ve got some glitter on your face, Thor,” Bruce supplied. 

“What, where did that come from?”

“Don’t worry about it, sparkles, it suits you,” The Grandmaster told him.

Loki poked his head into the room.

“Good, you’re here.  Come into the living room with me, I don’t want to deal with father alone.”

“On my way, darling, don’t worry.  See you later, Doctor, Sparkles.”

As they left, Thor felt Bruce’s fingers brush soft against his cheek.  He turned to look Bruce right in the eye.  Bruce’s eyes traced his face, and Thor could feel his warmth, close to him.  His heart seemed to be moving strangely in his chest, making Thor feel giddy.

“What are you doing?” He asked Bruce, his voice low. 

“I’m trying to get the glitter off your face.”

“Oh.”  Thor was a little disappointed.  “Thank you.  I wouldn’t want him to call me ‘sparkles’ every time he sees me.”

“He’s Loki’s partner?” Bruce checked. 

“Yes.  The president, or ‘Grandmaster’, as he says, of a small island near the Azors, Sakaar.”

Bruce looked nervous at that.

“He’s a president?”

“Only of a small country.  Barely a country.  Their main industry is waste disposal, there have always been rumours that Sakaar was created when the collective rubbish of the world fell into the sea and compounded together, forming an island.  It makes no scientific sense, of course, it’s an old wives’ tale, but it does give you a rather vivid image of the island.”

“Oh, god.” Bruce still looked queasy. “Is that the kind of person your parents expect you to be dating?  A president or princess or something?”

“No!” Thor said, patting Bruce on the back to reassure him.  “They’ll prefer you! Or, at least my mother will be happy with anyone, so long as they make me or Loki happy.  And I suspect my father will clash egos with ‘The Grandmaster’. And, anyway, you’re much kinder and smarter than he is.”

“You’re right.” Bruce sounded like he was trying to convince himself of it as much as anyone.  “How many PhDs does the Grandmaster have? None.  How many do I have? Seven.”

“Precisely.  You’re sure to win my parents over Bruce, you need not fret.”

“You’re speaking like a prince again.”

“Ahh, verily.”  Thor was glad Bruce had calmed enough to make fun of him. “Dost thou like it?” He joked.

They went into the dining room when Bruce was ready, Thor making a beeline to greet his father and introduce Bruce, not wanting to delay any further.

Odin did not embrace him directly, but fondly clasped Thor’s shoulder as he spoke.

“Thor, my son, it is good to have you here.”

“It is good to be back, father.”  Despite knowing his father had done many things wrong over the course of his life, and in parenting him and his siblings, Thor still loved him.  He could be nice, congenial for the majority of the time and it would make Thor forget the damage he’d inflicted.  “Let me introduce my partner, Doctor Bruce Banner.”

“It is good to meet you, Doctor Banner.  I must say I was surprised to hear of you from Loki rather than Thor.”

Rather than throw Bruce in the deep end and leave him to respond to that, Thor jumped in.

“Bruce is a rather private man, father, I did not think it was a good idea to introduce the two of you before I felt sure I could see a future for us together.”

“And now you can?  See a future together, I mean?”

Bruce was trying his best not to look embarrassed when Thor met his eyes with a look of reassurance.  Memories of the two of them flitted through Thor’s mind, and he wasn’t exactly lying when he answered.

“Yes.  Bruce won’t be leaving my life any time soon.”

Odin turned the conversation back to talk to Bruce

“Doctor Banner, Heimdall tells me you are a scientist.”

“That’s right.  Medical physics at the moment, mostly.  That was, err, how I met Thor, actually.”

The conversation continued for a while after that, and whilst Odin was never unpleasant, Thor could tell that Banner wasn’t exactly at ease.  He made an excuse to talk to Frigga after a while, thinking that Bruce would be more comfortable with that.

“How are you feeling?  Do you feel alright?” Thor checked when they left Odin’s earshot. 

“Yeah.” Bruce nodded but he looked a little stressed.  “Yeah, that went better than I thought it would.  It doesn’t seem like anyone’s guessed that we’re not… y’know…”

Thor grinned at him.

“Why would they?  You and I are close, we look after one another, confide in each other.  We even go for coffee dates, we’re practically already dating.  And now I’ve even gotten you into my bed…”

 

Christmas morning went well, in the main.  Frigga took an interest in Bruce’s work, and thankfully Hela stuck to talking to Loki and Odin for most of the time.  They were only questioned on how they got together the once, by the Grandmaster (“Tell me Champ, indulge me in the story of how you fell to the wiles of the seductive Lord of Thunder”).

In the afternoon, presents were opened, Thor having bought things for his family on Bruce’s behalf so he wouldn’t have to splash out.  The only present Bruce had bought himself was his gift to Thor, a sword in a scabbard that confused everyone watching apart from the two of them.

“Dragonfang!  The sword of the Valkyries!  It is a beautiful replica, Bruce, I shall treasure it.”

The sword was from Thor’s favourite film franchise, _The Valkyrie_ , about an intrepid band of warrior women and their fight against evil.

“It’s, well, it’s not a replica.  It was used in the movies, in the third one.”

Thor beamed. 

“To my memory, I have never gotten a better present, thank you, my love.”  The term of endearment felt natural on his tongue.

In return, when they had wandered away from prying eyes, Thor gifted Bruce with tickets for a trip to Kolkata.  He had heard Bruce talk often about his time there, volunteering at a children’s clinic.  More than once he’d wondered aloud how those children were doing now, but didn’t think he’d be able to go back.

“You can volunteer again, if you would like,” Thor explained to Bruce.  “And I had hoped, if you wanted, that I could join you, at least for a few days, make up for this Christmas.”

“That sounds good.”  Bruce’s words were mild but the look in his eye told Thor that he really meant his words.  “And, you know, you don’t have to make up for anything.  It’s good to be here, with you, rather than at home on my own.”

Later, in the evening, there were going to be a few people other than family coming for drinks.  Heimdall and Lady Sif arrived, along with some of Thor’s other friends, Volstagg, Hogan and Fandral.

Bruce was taken aback when he recognised one of the faces from the other side of the room.  She was lacking her usual striking makeup, but looked fierce nonetheless, in a white suit that was much smarter than anything Bruce or Thor had ever seen her in.

“Hey there, big guy,” Val called over, when she made eye contact with Bruce.  “What are you doing here?”

Any relief at seeing a familiar face in this foreign country was quickly quashed when Bruce realised he would have to explain why he was there to her.  Val was one of Thor’s friends from Asgard who had moved to New York a little before he had, and she’d hit it off with Bruce as soon as they had met.  He hadn’t considered that she might return home for Christmas. 

Thor, noticing Val as she made her way to them, tried to take charge of the situation, taking Bruce’s hand.

“Val! Good to see you!”  The enthusiasm in Thor’s voice lacked its usual, genuine, glowing quality.  “As my partner of nearly a year now, it was only fitting that Bruce finally meet my parents.”  He hoped Val would get the message, go along with it.

“Partner?”  Val looked excited, for a moment thinking that they had just gotten together, but her face switched to confusion as she processed that they had supposedly been dating for nearly a year.  Thor glared at her and Bruce pleaded with his eyes.  It seemed to do the trick.  “Oh yeah, partner.”  She winked, devoid of all subtlety.  “What d’you think of Asgard, Bruce?”

“It’s beautiful.  A lot of gold,” said Bruce, awkward.  “And red.”

“I prefer green, myself,” Loki sprung from behind Thor, nearly making him drop his drink.  “Val, I must say I’m shocked you decided to show your face here.  Did they run out of alcohol in New York?”

“I don’t have to answer you, Lackey.”

“It’s _Loki_ , as well you know.  I have to ask seeing as though you see my brother more frequently than I; these two –“ He gestured at Thor and Bruce.  “Did you know about this… attachment before now?”

“Yes,” Val lied.  If she ever needed a motivating factor to tell tales on Thor’s behalf, proving Loki wrong was enough of a prize.  “They’re all over each other every time I visit them.  It’s gross.”

“Hey,” Bruce admonished.

Seemingly believing Val, Loki wandered away, back to the Grandmaster.  A string trio had begun to play music and as soon as Loki got close to the Grandmaster, he was swept into hold, the two of them dancing.  Others soon joined.

“What’s all this about?” Val asked when she was sure Loki was out of earshot.  “Are you guys pretending to date? Or have you been dating this whole time and never told me?  I did think you guys were always very touchy with one another.”

“We’re pretending,” Bruce clarified before she could go on any further about how she had already thought they were dating.  “Just for the holidays, so Thor could – well – really it’s so Thor could wind up Loki.”

“Hey, that wasn’t the only reas-“

“That seems fair enough to me,” Val interrupted Thor defending himself. “Lackey’s a smug shit.   Anyway, I would stay, but from the way Lorelai’s looking at me over there, I think I might be in luck, see you guys later.” 

She took a swig of the wine she was drinking and marched right off in the direction of a beautiful woman with a sly smile across the other side of the room.

“Well, that could have gone worse,” said Thor, turning to face Bruce and taking his hands.

Bruce nodded.

“So Val thought we could have been dating this whole time, huh.”

Thor lifted one of his hands to touch Bruce’s cheek.

“I would be a lucky man indeed.”  It was difficult for Thor himself to judge whether he was joking.  “Would you like to dance?”

“That’s probably not a great idea.”

“Why? Don’t tell me you can’t dance, I’ll guide you.”

There was a look somewhere between incredulity and humour on Bruce’s face.

“Really?  I’ve seen you dance, and, well…”

“Don’t you like my dancing, Banner?”

He shook his head.

“It’s not that I don’t like it – it’s endearing – I just-“

“Dance with me, please.”

Conceding, Bruce took his outstretched arm, and Thor lead him towards where the other people were dancing and pulled him close. 

“Now you can reach your arm up to my shoulder.”  He lifted Bruce’s arm up. “That’s it.  Then I take your waist.”  As he reached around, he pulled Bruce gently closer to him.  “How is that?”

“It’s not so bad,” Bruce replied, and Thor thought he could hear the smile in his voice though they were too close for him to be able to see.   _What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?_ was playing, a strange, slow, instrumental version.  “You might be a better dancer than I thought.”

Thor chuckled at that, but then grew quiet, listening to the band.  His thoughts soon drifted; being this close to Bruce he could hear the slow rhythm of his breath, the shuffle of his feet.  Bruce’s warmth reached through their clothing to get to Thor, and Thor found he loved the feeling.  It was comfort, relief, and the smell of Bruce that accompanied his proximity made it impossible to forget who it was that Thor was holding close.  He reflected on his friendship with Bruce, how lucky he was to have Bruce in his life, that he would stick around even though Thor asked ridiculous things of him.

As the song ended, Bruce pulled back a bit, a puzzled expression on his face.  He pointed towards the edge of the room, where Val was pulling a face and gesturing that they come to her.  They both did, thinking that she had something important to say, maybe that someone had uncovered their ruse.

“Nice dancing.  Although, I think you were a bit overshadowed by them.”  She tilted her head in the direction of the dancefloor, where Loki and the Grandmaster were doing what appeared to be an Argentine Tango.  “I’ve got to go, you guys stay here.”

“Err, what?” Thor said, both him and Bruce equally confused as to why she would call them over only to tell them she had to go.  Val gave no explanation, just gave two thumbs up and winked as she walked away.

“You got any idea what that was about?” Bruce asked.

Thor shrugged but then he noticed a dash of green in the otherwise golden room, right above them.  Mistletoe.

“I think I’m beginning to understand.”  He stepped towards Bruce, standing near as close as they had been while dancing.  “Val is second only to Loki in terms of mischief.”

A surprised “oh!” made its way out of Bruce’s mouth and Thor knew that he had seen it too.  Now that they had both visibly looked upwards, it would seem amiss to anyone in the room for them to not follow tradition, given that most believed them to be a couple.

Drawing himself in, towards Bruce, Thor felt his beard brush against the side of Bruce’s cheek.  He was close enough that he could smell Bruce, aware that they were sharing each other’s oxygen, and the thought made him breath more deeply. 

“Do you want this, Bruce?” Thor asked in a low tone, ostensibly to whisper sweet nothings in Bruce’s ear but really to ask his consent.  “Take my hand, if so.  I will not do anything you do not wish for.”  Thor heard his words as he spoke.  When he’d started talking, it was with the mind to make sure that he didn’t make Bruce uncomfortable in their ruse, but by the end of the phrase it almost sounded like he was pleading.  Hoping it really was something that Bruce wished for.

Then Bruce took his hand and everything went fast and slow all at once.  Drawing back, just enough to come back in to kiss him, feel the press of his lips, the warmth at every point of contact between them.  Bruce’s hand came around the back of his head, puling him down to meet him with a surety Thor hadn’t known from him in a long time.  It felt sweet and soft, and almost familiar, like Thor was kissing someone he loved that he’d just come home to.

As fast as it had begun, the kiss was over.  Staying close so their noses were still touching, Bruce whispered to him.

“I think we’ve got them all fooled.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Hogmanay everyone!!  
>  I love our comments, thanks so much everyone, you're all so lovely.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dudes, this is the first multi-chapter fic I've ever finished!! I'm going to try and finish the others soon, two only have 2 chapters left, and then I'll write Windy Cities in regular installments.
> 
> again, thanks Aries for the prompt!
> 
> very mild sex references in this

“I think we’ve got them all fooled.”

Like that, Thor felt his stomach drop and his heart rattle in his chest.  For a moment, only a moment, he’d forgotten why they were doing this, just relaxed and let himself feel with Bruce.  He hadn’t realised that he would want this, romance, a relationship, with Bruce, and his head was dizzy figuring out what it meant. 

Trying to hide what was in his mind, Thor just smiled, the emotion not quite coming through his eyes.

“Thank you, Bruce.”

A strange noise of disgust came from somewhere behind the two of them, making them jump and turn around. 

Hela was there, drinking something that looked suspiciously darker than mulled wine.  She wasn’t physically rolling her eyes, but somehow every piece of her body language said that she wished she was.

“Please don’t be a sap in public, Thor, you’re ruining our family image.”

“In public?”  Thor replied.  “This is our own house.”

“Palace,” she corrected. “We are royalty.  Or have you forgotten that with all your desperate charity efforts to give our family’s fortune away?”

“That money came from our ancestors raiding and pillaging innocents, we have no right to it.  I’m trying my best to right that wrong.”

“It is ours, or at least _should_ be ours, by right of strength and birth.  You choose to squander it on making your conscience a little lighter.”

“That money has saved lives!” Both Thor and Hela jumped as Bruce nearly shouted in Thor’s defence.  “The homeless shelter it funded, the free clinic, even just my own research could save thousands of lives.  Thor’s work is important.”

“Our money funds your work?  I see the truth of it _now_ , brother.” Her tone was snide as she addressed Thor.  “You couldn’t find anyone to share your bed, so now you paying _him_ “- She gestured to Bruce with her wine glass –“to keep you company.”

Thor gripped Hela’s wrist and glared at her.

“You’ve gone too far, Hela.  Do not talk to Bruce again,” he warned. 

“Unhand me,” Hela commanded as she twisted her arm and pushed Thor over.  In the process, she spilled nearly all of her drink onto Bruce, who’d rushed to Thor’s side.  She didn’t stay after that, walking away without another word.

“Thor, are you okay?” Bruce asked, helping Thor up. 

“I’m alright,” Thor said, but his answer was half a groan.  “I shouldn’t have picked a fight with her – she’s trained in multiple martial arts – but she’s just…” He couldn’t think of the words. 

Bruce patted him on the back and Thor found that it improved his mood considerably. 

“I didn’t think she could be worse than Loki.”  He looked a bit queasy.  “I smell like alcohol.”

“You would think.”  Thor looked down at Bruce’s suit, the shirt stained a dark red.  “I’m sorry, Bruce, you should change or onlookers may think that Hela stabbed you rather than just spilling her drink.  I can come with you, help you find a –“

“It’s okay, Thor, I know where the room is.  I’ll be back soon.”

Thor watched as Bruce walked away, the giddiness he’d felt before returning. 

He stayed where he was a moment, just reflecting on how everything with Bruce had happened over the past few days.  The flirting, the familiarity, the kiss, it was all a part of their lie, but Thor had enjoyed every minute of it.  Asking Bruce to go along with it had felt like asking a crush out in the playground, way back at school.  Talking to him about what their relationship would be like if they really were dating felt to him like talking to a partner about how you see your future.  Kissing him had felt like kissing someone he’d been waiting to kiss for years.

“What troubles you, Thor?” The sudden interruption from his thoughts made him whirr around.  It was Heimdall that spoke, his voice so low and even that it didn’t even sound like a question.

“Nothing, Heimdall.  Well, Hela was being her usual self, but that’s nothing I can’t handle.”

Heimdall said nothing, just stared into Thor’s eyes, as if sensing his deceit.

“You and Doctor Banner -” Heimdall started.

“- Are very happy together –“

“I can see that.” He stepped close to Thor so no-one else would be able to hear.  “But you are not a couple.”

Thor expected to feel his heart sink at someone figuring it out, but he just felt relief.

“No, you’re right.”

“But you wish you were.”

Images of Bruce together with him flitted through his mind.

“You’re right,” Thor repeated.

“He wishes it too.  Talk to him, Thor.  You do not have a chance if you don’t ask.”

Nodding, Thor half agreed, thought that he should talk to Bruce, but didn’t know whether it was wise.  Bruce might not want his advances.

He headed upstairs, mind not made up, no knowing what Bruce’s reaction would be if he told the truth about how he felt. Trying hard not to hesitate, Thor knocked on the door.

“It’s me,” he called.

“Thor, this is your room, you don’t have to knock.”

The door opened, revealing Bruce behind it, no longer in a suit, but in some strange jumper that didn’t fit him.  It had an anthropomorphised Christmas tree on the front, which itself had many baubles with faces on each of them.

“What are you wearing?” Thor chuckled.

“This? I know, I know.  That shirt was the only good one I brought with me, so I tried on the Christmas jumper your sister gave me…”

“My sister is a…“ he tried to think of an insult “…  an evil being.”

“I guess know that now.”

“Have a look in my wardrobe.  I’m sure you can find something that will fit.”

Thor wandered over towards Bruce as he searched for something to wear.  In his head, words were forming and being dismissed, thinking of hundreds of ways to phrase what he wanted with Bruce.  Any thoughts were interrupted when Bruce took the jumper off.  Thor tried not to look too obvious as his eyes raked Bruce’s chest.  He’d always found Bruce attractive, that much he was aware of, but this was the first time he’d really let his thoughts dwell on it.

Pulling on a plain but well-made white shirt, Bruce seemed satisfied that it was one that fit him well enough that it wouldn’t look too ridiculous underneath his jacket.  He buttoned it up, struggling when he got to the top.  Thor stopped his fiddling with his own hands, helping Bruce with the final button.

Even after it was done, Thor’s hand lingered, on top of Bruce’s.  The contact felt magnetic, like it would take force for Thor to pull himself away.  He let his eyes trail up from Bruce’s collar to his eyes, and saw something he didn’t expect there.  Bruce was looking straight back into him, eyes dark, breathing slow, in time with Thor.

Allowing himself to hope, Thor drew his face down and closer to Bruce’s.

He hadn’t made it all the way when Bruce nearly leapt up to kiss him.  Thor responded immediately, his breath hitching, lips pressing against Bruce’s.  The awareness that no one else was there, that Bruce was doing this for himself made him light-headed.  He let himself feel everything, feel the brush of Bruce’s hand on his cheek, taste the warmth from Bruce’s lips.

Bruce pulled back for a moment, just an inch.

“You want this?” he asked, quiet but sure.

“Yes,” was all Thor could reply, mouth already half-pressed against Bruce’s, too tempted to kiss him again.

Taking the hint, Bruce kissed him, slowly, with less urgency than before but more feeling.  Thor noticed the difference, dipped his tongue into Bruce’s mouth and felt the tenderness of Bruce’s actions.  He knew, could tell from the way that Bruce held him, kissed him, that Bruce had been waiting for this, likely for longer than a single hour.  His heart melted at the thought, overwhelmed by fondness, and he wrapped his arms around Bruce’s back, needing to show Bruce quite how much he was wanted.

 

The evening was a beautiful blur after that.  Clothes were discarded, feelings confessed, breathed against each other’s skin.  Throughout it all, they were in each other’s arms, Thor feeling unwilling to part from Bruce’s touch after his recent discovery of how much he loved it.  By midnight, Thor had made up for lost time, learning how Bruce’s body felt, the scratch of the hair on his chest, the ripple of his stretch marks, the warmth of just being near to him.

 

They still couldn’t sleep even as the sun rose.

“How long have you felt this way for me?”  Thor lay across Bruce’s stomach, comfortable and curious about Bruce’s feelings, wondering whether knowing would make more sense of everything going on inside his head.

“Some time after our road trip, I think, it started,” Bruce replied.  Thinking back, Thor could remember that week, when they had travelled across North America, could remember how he’d never seen Bruce smiled half as much before.  “You looked out for me, made me feel a lot more enthusiastic than I’d been in a long while.”

“All that time and you still agreed to my pretence?” 

Bruce waved it off.

“I was annoyed, but I wouldn’t say no.  Turned out that was the best decision I could have made.  What about you?”

“Hmm?”

“When did you start feeling… like this?”

“Oh.”  Thor didn’t know how to explain it.  He felt Bruce’s fingers trail through his hair.  “Well, I only really figured it out when you kissed me.”  Bruce raised his head and Thor could tell he was surprised.

“You went from zero to sixty really fast.”

“What can I say?” Thor raised himself up to kiss the side of Bruce’s mouth.  “Once I had kissed you, there was no going back.”

Shaking his head at Thor’s corniness, Bruce kissed him back briefly.

“That relationship we talked about,” Thor started.  “Where you cook and I loop my arms around you, where you’re supportive and I always look out for you, is that what you want?”

Bruce gave a small smile. 

“I think it’s what we already have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!
> 
> Wishing you all a not-too-painful start to the new year! 
> 
> I adore all of you giving comments, they make me smile for the rest of the day :)

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure when I'll update bc I have a fuck tonne of stuff to do, exams and secret santas and stuff.
> 
> Love your comments, you're all awesome!
> 
> Happy Hanukkah!


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